Hello! I am Erin Lindsey and this is my perfectly imperfect story of my journey through recovery from Anorexia.  With each day that passes I am continually amazed at how blessed I truly am; and how beautiful this life really is.  There was a time when I was so deeply entrenched in my eating disorder where I felt so alone and hopeless.  All I wanted was to die.  I wanted to be put out of my misery, and I was determined to let my addiction be the death of me.  I was in the competition and I was going to win, which meant trying to sustain the false image of perfection and beauty; ultimately killing myself.  By me wanting to be the best at my eating disorder meant driving myself to deaths door.  That is and was the prize.  Death.  Now looking back, I realize how very grateful that for whatever God's reasons were he spared me, more than once.  I am always amazed by the grace and goodness of God.  God is good.  I feel so lucky to have crossed paths with the people I have thus far in my life.  All along I have been surrounded by people cheering me on and wanting what is best for me, even when I couldn't find the strength to want it for myself.  If you really think about it, how awesome is it to actually have people around you that care!?  I know there have been many times where I've let my head go to a negative space and am moping around having my own 'poor me pitty party' and am thinking that no one cares about me, when really I should be pullin' out a big ol' BS flag.  That is such a lie.  It is for anyone who tries to tell you that no one cares; cause in all reality there are sooo... many people who do care.  I don't care who you are, there are always going to be someone, someone who cares and loves you.  It's amazing. 
                   Today, right now, I am sick and tired of letting this addiction, this monster, Satan, Anorexia, whatever it is you want to call it rule and control my life.  This is my life, and I choose to live it.  This by no means, means that I do not struggle everyday, sometimes even every minute that passes, but it means that I continue to make the commitment to myself to try something new.  Try to live in opposition of what ED would want me to do.  And I don't always succeed.  I fail, a lot, but what is new is that I have finally found the strength inside of my soul to pick myself back up and move forward.  It is time for me look forward, not backwards, I'm not going that way anymore.  There is so much fear and anxiety inside of me.  Often I feel overwhelmed by it.  My future is unsure.  At any given time things can change.  That is part of the addiction that I have to let go of.  The control.  I pray to God that somehow I can muster up the power within me, that I continue to hope is there because I do question myself and ability, to not only face, but to embrace what lies ahead me in my journey.  This is a beautiful journey.  This is a beautiful fight, still is and I am not done yet...