So yesterday I had kind of a weird experience ha. So I came home from work and was parking in front of my house, and there was a man walking down the sidewalk with his kids, so I smile. He then knocks on my window and says, "wow your good at parking (while he is laughing) I'd give ya a "D"." Ya to say the least I felt pretty stupid. I know I'm not awesome at parking but I didn't actually think that someone would care to make it a point to tell me. :) haha it was pretty funny though, I was like parked crooked and a ways away from the curb. I just awkwardly laughed with him and was like umm...thanks? Oh then I am pulling out of the bank and there is this creepy homeless/hitchhiker guy with this gnarly hair and this nasty braided rat tail that was like a foot long, at that point I'm not even sure it's called a rat tail, but any way he looks at me winks and nods his head at me and then sticks his thumb out like I was going to pick him up or something! Eww, heck no!! I was so creeped out, and it wasn't like I could hide either cause I had to wait for cars to pass before I could get out on the road and get away. Ahh don't look at me don't look at me, please just go away. Haha. well unfortunately for me those are the only men I can attract... I too haven't figured out why that is.
Recovery wise, today has been a rougher one. My depression has been fairly high, and when that happens it can tend to be difficult to push away the self harm urges. I hate that when I do begin to feel not so great about myself or my worth, the thoughts of not caring of what I do to myself enters. And that sometimes I feel like I "deserve" to hurt and destroy myself by doing destructive things. It's these times when I realize that the adversary is very real, and that is exactly what he wants me to do.
Lately I really want to:
1.) go horse riding
2.) rock climbing/rappelling
3.) play sand volleyball
4.) travel- get accepted to a study abroad program and peace out
5.) drink chocolate milk to my hearts content, ha but unfortunately I wouldn't let myself do that
6.) go on a date with some stud of a man:)
Okay first of all- I feel ya on the parking. I am horrible at it. I always park a million miles away from everything just so 1- nobody can see me park and 2- so I can hopefully find a space where I can pull through. I also have not back parked once since I took my driving test. And one time when I was living in the Boston area I had to parallel park (having never done it before) and I had to youtube a video on my phone to help me. So yeah... I am not the best parker either. Luckily- being a good parker does not make you any better of a person. I will love you even if you park sideways ;)
ReplyDeleteSecond of all- umm VOLLEYBALL! I want to play. I actually am horrible at beach volleyball because I was always an indoor girl. (Actually I am pretty horrible at indoor volleyball now as well... I have lost my ability to serve). But still just hearing someone mention vball and my heart aches. It is such a fun game and I definitely think that you would really enjoy it.
Also- I know a girl from prep school whose older brother started this volunteer abroad thing at a low cost. If you wanna know more message me on facebook and I can get you the details.
I am really proud of you, Erin. You are a wonderful young woman and such an inspiration. <3
I'm sorry, who is this?
Delete“When our days become dreary with low hovering clouds and our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that … [God] is able to make a way out of no way, and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows.”
ReplyDeleteHopefully today is a better day... Love you.